Secret Shopper

Confession:  I've never been a good shopper.

I don't like to shop.  I know, that lessens the girliness of me, but it's true.  Shopping sucks it.

Especially the kind of shopping that requires you to thumb through racks and racks of clothes, in hopes that there is ONE GOD DAMN SIZE SIX PAIR OF PANTS or the like.

I don't care for shopping.

I recognize that this makes me a bit unusual, for a girl.

But then... BUT THEN, somebody introduced me to the power of online shopping.  And there really isn't one person I can blame for this, but holy crap do I wish there was because I CAN'T STOP.

In the last week, I've bought:

1. Four songs---  please note, this is iTunes shopping, and it's often under the influence of wine, because how else do you explain why I now own "Truly, Madly, Deeply" by Savage Garden.  Shut up.  I like it.  This also explains the entire two albums of Wilson Phillips I purchased while in Georgia.  I'm not really very proud of myself.  Please let me keep my cool card for five more minutes.
2. A bathing suit--- now, in my defense, my old bathing suit is beyond ratty, and old, and besides, I do have another one but it's way too big, and you know.  So there's a legitimate need, and besides all of that, have you ever tried to go pee in a "head" on a sailboat when you are wearing a one-piece?  No?  It sucks, that's what.  So I bought a tankini.  Top.  And a bottom.  And a bikini top, too, because, well, what the hell?  At my beach, in Mississippi, I am far and away the thinnest girl and lots of them wear bikinis.  And besides, I can.  So there.  Shut up.
3. So yes, technically, that's 1.5 bathing suits.
4. A dress---  now I haven't talked much about the cinco de hell-o gala party that we are having at my work, but it's happening, and I have very low expectations.  You see, in the town in which I live, we have three major Mexican restaurants, all of which whom will offer beer for a quarter and free appetisers, and bands and live music.  And yet, we are asking people to pay $75 a ticket?  Pshat.  This is going to be el disastoro.  However, I have no choice in the matter, and I have to not only go, but sort of "work" at this event, but it also means I will "drink" at this event, so it could be worse.  And anyway, so, I need a dress.  So I bought one.  It's black, and strapless.  WHO THE FUCK AM I?

 

5.  And so today, Doodlebug lamented that we can't find his bedroom slippers, and target.com had some on clearance with Optimus Prime, so I mean...  that was good enough reason for me to then buy...

6.  A sweater to wear with my dress.

I HAVE TO STOP THIS.

But it's so, so fun.  I'm swearing it.

In other news, the First Lady of our town died, and my boss is fighting with the other old biddies of the town for who can be Most Important Mourner (MIM).  I love this a whole lot.  Not the loss of the Queen, I mean, I kind of wasn't crazy about her but I didn't wish her any ill will, and Mayor McCheese is a pretty good dude, so that's a shame, but still... what's funner than old lady cat fights?  NOTHING.