Monday, November 28, 2011

Doctor, surgeon, public service announcer.

Bitches, I don't want to hear any smack talk about not being active with the whole blog thing.

That being said, I don't have much to tell you about, anyway.  So I'm going to gross you out instead.

About six months ago, Beanie told me he thought he had a little shard of glass stuck in his foot, like a splinter, but he couldn't get it out.

"No worries," said I.  "Just leave it alone and it will work itself out."

Only, it didn't, so eventually, I heard enough of his bitching to offer to do some at-home surgery with a tweezer and a needle.

He agonized and let me dig for a while, but I didn't come up with anything.  And the foot, it looked rough, but I couldn't even find any infection (EWWWW) (PUS!) (HAHAHA words are gross), so I kind of gave up.  We put some neosporin on that bitch and a band-aid, and hoped for the best.

AND THEN, someone told me about drawing salve, which is something I had never heard of before, and you have to ask for it at the pharmacy at Walgreen's, but it is an over-the-counter medicine of some sort.

Looks like tar and stinks like balls, but hey.

So we smacked some of that on his foot, and I went ahead and did some surgery on one of my own toenails.  EWW.  (feet are gross.)

ANYWAY, so even that did not work, and we finally gave in and he went to the doctor.

Turns out, it was a plantar wart.  Ever seen one?  No?  Here you go:
That is not Beanie's foot, but that's pretty much EXACTLY what it looks like.

So the doctor burned it off or froze it off or whatever you say when you are talking about that dry ice freezation thingee they do, and it was better for a couple of days.  Unfortunately, and this is somewhat to be expected, it's not all better.  So Beanie is back at the doc's right this very moment, getting it re-burned/froze.

If this doesn't work, they have to cut it all out.  I am NOT KIDDING YOU.

Dude, don't google that.

I'll let you know.  In the meantime, my gift to you this holiday season is drawing salve.  Because, holy shit did that clear up my toenail problem in like fifteen minutes.  For real.

Not really, but definitely within two days.  And that bitch was hurting.

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