Monday, January 13, 2014

1968 Movie Viewer

Things I learned while watching Chitty Chitty, Bang Bang, with my 7 year old son, this last Friday:

1.  Dick Van Dyke was pretty foxy in the 60's.  I'm grateful that there was no fake cockney accent in this particular show.

2.  Russia and Germany and all the little Russia sub-nations (at the time) were VILLAINOUS in the 1960's.  All bad guys had slavic accents, wore black hats and long coats, and looked like Boris Badinoff from Rocky and Bullwinkle.

3.  All women in the 1960's both looked kind of like, and wanted to be, Shirley Jones.  And who the fuck can blame them?  I want to be her, too.  Makes perfect sense to me.

4.  I'm not teaching my son how to be a good father.  The inventor dad, while truly being a very loving father, is clearly a total eff-up in life.  "What do you think," I asked my child.  "Is he a good father?"  C responded, "Yes, and no.  He is very responsible." NO HE IS NOT.  He is nice.  He is the opposite of responsible.

5.  Alzheimer's was pure entertainment back in the day.

6.  There are no children allowed in Bulgaria.

7.  All movies of that decade were musicals.  They could make a musical about nazis.  Oh, wait, they did...

(Julie Andrews also kind of looks like Shirley Jones.  I'm not sure which is the egg and which is the chicken, here, honestly.)

8.  During the last week of school, while I was in elementary school, we were piled onto the cafeteria floor and were force-fed terrible movies to kill time until summer break.  Chitty was DEFINITELY one of them.  Yet, I had zero recollection of the plot beyond the fact that there was a car involved.  What the fuck was I doing during the playing of this movie??  Sleeping?  Talking?  (I'm going to go with talking...)

9.  There were lots of inventions on the plate for this little family that were insanely awe-inspiring at the time, but are definitely being used in the back of the house at McDonald's.  I am pretty sure a McEmployee hasn't actually touched food since 1997.

10.  Ian Fleming liked to hit acid.

11.  Truely Scrumptious is both my dream name and the Best Porn Name, Ever.

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