Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Bedazzled Art Mogul

If you were my mother's daughter, you too could enjoy some of the fun times which is called, "try to not get really irritated with your mother while you are preparing to move houses."

Exhibit A:  The microwave stand

I have this one, verugly (figure it out) piece of "furniture," that sits at the end of my kitchen countertops in old-house-land, because old house has EXTREMELY little counterspace, and there needs to be a place for a microwave to live.  Oddly or awesomely, depending on your perspective, this furniture is, indeed, a microwave stand, and it's white.  It's ugly, but it serves its purpose in life.  Microwave lives on it.

Several (four?  three?) weeks ago, which is to say, possibly one day upon the homeowner accepting my offer but well before the actual inspection took place, my mom goes like this, "are you planning to keep that ugly microwave stand in the new house?"  I replied that I am not, as the new house has a built-in microwave and a lot more storage, and thus the stand is redundant, and since it remains ugly, this is the time when we say goodbye.

Please note:  closing is pushed back to mid-December.

That day, so several weeks ago, I arrived home from work to find said microwave stand on the curb in front of my house.

Forfuckssake, mom.  Now the tiny old-house kitchen is full to the brim with crap that had been on or in the microwave stand, up on the countertops, which makes it damn hard to, you know, stir stuff or what-all.  SIGH.

Exhibit B:  The paint choices.

I orignially REALLYREALLYREALLY wanted a celery-green kitchen.  Honestly, I really still do, but it being an open floor plan, there's no way I can have a celery-green kitchen without having a celery-green family room, which I most definitely do NOT want.  And don't start telling me I can change paint colors at the place where rooms change function, even though it is the same wall, I will not do that, and I will not throw up a piece of trim, because that would be dumb.

Anyway.  So I've given up on that, and I've pretty much decided on colors.  Kitchen/dining/family is going to be a very light peach, warm, basically off-white, and neutral.  Boom.  Fancy and daring.  Same color will be on foyer and all hallways.

Front room is either a fairly dark, dusty purple, or else terra cotta.  I haven't decided yet.

Little kid bedroom is blue.  Other bedroom is purple or terra cotta.  Master is celery green.  Master bathroom is brown.  Hall bathroom is blue.

My mother, she no likey the terra cotta.  Or the purple.

S.I.G.H.  Not 100% sure that either of those colors will happen.

Exhibit C:  Artwork

The artist formerly known as my husband and I had very differing taste in art.  I like things that are red and may or may not look like things.  I'm good with swirls and shapes and big poppies and flowers and stuff that is red.  He liked churches.  And church "paintings" that have sparkly paint in them so they glimmer.  And one in particular that plugs in, so light shines through the church windows.

I'm trying to not be judgy here.  Different does not mean wrong.  It just means different.  But New White House is all mine and the baby's and the cat's. No former artist.  So it's my taste that gets to be everywhere, and by God, I'm going to decorate this bitch, even though I have zero idea how one does that, and I'm going to be on pinterest a lot, I think.

Anyway.  Art.

I've declared the following:  Nothing sparkling.  Nothing that plugs in.  Nothing with words on it (like a picture of a church with a nice bible verse underneath it.  I'm sure that would be lovely, but that's not the aesthetic I'm going for.)  Nothing with a metallic (gold OR silver) frame.

My mama, she comes home from Big Lots the other day, with....  "art" for my new house.

Let's stop for a minute and let me acknowledge that I'm a snob.  I get it.  I admit it.  But seriously.  Art from Hob Lob is a-ok with me.  Cute.  Love it.  Big Lots is pushing it, though.

So there's that.

And then, too, the "art" that she bought has words on it.  It's kind of incorporated into a fairly modern design, so that's something.  And it's stretched canvas, so no frame, so that's good, too.  And the predominate color is red, so that's great.

But...  it's bedazzled.

Yes.  You heard me.

With sparkly rhinestones.  Red.  Still.


But, for all my complaining, it's very sweet.  Irritating as a mutha, but sweet.  Good intentions.  Still.  Fucking Bedazzled??


  1. GIRL, I finally freaking found you again! It took a link from Twitter which I'm rarely on (but plan on being on more frequently now that I have my online shop running again). Blog entry is great- Mama Schultz is a hoot & a half! :)

  2. Oh, the Mama Schultz. Hasn't changed a bit, Hols. You need to come see us, visit the NOLA with the little poppy and the man person! New house will have a guest room and the baby can share with me so your baby can have a room, too!