Grownup

The kid flushed a washcloth down the toilet.

Know what that does to a toilet? 

I didn't, either, but miraculously, it flushed all the way and nothing bad happened.  I consider this a miracle.

The kid, this boy, and I are doing fine.   We just got parts in another play (he finished with Drama Camp, so this makes his 5th).  I'm playing my dream part, with beautiful solos and an amazing cast, and I don't have to be a lesbian.  I can't freaking wait!

And the other kid?  He and his wife are having twins.  TWINS.

So between being the boss at my job (and doing a damn fine job at it, too), still continuing as the youth music leader at church (and doing a damn fine job at it, too), enjoying the company of an almost-nine-year-old, and expecting twin grandbabies, my life rocks.

Oh, and I'm teaching piano lessons, too.

And doing a damn fine job at everything.

I'm such a grownup all of the sudden.

Holy shit, I have a blog that I forgot about

Sorry.

So first things first. I quit that new job.  It was awful, y'all.  Humiliating.  Degrading. So on Monday, I went to work, handed the worst boss my key and my computer, and told him I don't want to work there anymore.  And I left.  And I went to the beach.  It was magical.

In other news, I did a show.  First show since 1992.  I played a big old crazy lady and a little lesbian girl, and I had a solo, and I fell completely in love with theater all over again.  There will be more.

By the way, I start my new job on Monday.

I guess what I'm saying is this.  If you are my boss, you don't get to yell at me about your personal life, about wifi I have no control over, or tell me to pick up trash on a New Orleans street corner.  I'm the boss at new job.

Pretty sure this is the best Easter ever.

Boom.

Happy Update From the Sarie

It's been a while, and I need to update what-all is going on.

1) I've started my new job.  I like it.  It's super fun, the commute isn't as bad as I worried it might be, and it is making me smarter.  That said, I've lost a good bit of time (chalk up almost 2 hours/day to commuting, although I technically arrive at work at the same time that I used to do so), so I'm feeling tired.  That and the fact that I actually have to think during the day.  Combined, I'm tired.  But happier.  Also, it's New Orleans, and also, there is a bar IN THE OFFICE.  Win.

2)  Christmas (well, and before that, Thanksgiving) has come and gone.  It was the best Christmas I can ever remember.  I got some nice things, mostly gift cards and a (much needed, much desired) watch, but the kicker was watching the baby.  He was OVER THE MOON with his present from me.  So much so that I still get a little misty grin thinking about it.  I haven't ever seen him be so happy with one thing before, in all of my life.  I got him an iPod, which doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me, but to him, it is the world.  And he has been texting me, which is amazing, since he is both adorable and also in Georgia right now.  I enjoy staying current with the baby.

3)  My marathon is a no-go.  I have to work that weekend.  This was an enormous blow when I found out, but weeks have gone by and I am no longer that upset.  Truth is, that race was going to completely kick my ass.  Utterly.  So really, I'm better off this way.

That's pretty much my last several months in a nutshell.  Couple that with me finding my mother sharing a drink and a smoke with the Kirby salesman and the time she tried very hard to convince me that it would be okay for her to pick up a hitchhiker, you will see that she is the same as she ever was.

Hope all is well with all (both) of you.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and by the way, there is a BAR IN MY OFFICE.  Just reminding you that.

Happy days!

Quitter

I turned in my notice at my job last Friday.  On Halloween.  Haha.  Boo.  Fuck you.  Just kidding.  Sort of.

I got a new job, in New Orleans, with a little more money and a lot more responsibility and pretty much a whole lot to offer.

My problem is...  well...  these next two weeks, y'all.  How?  How do you survive the final two weeks, when the boss person is FURIOUS at you because you dared to disobey her commands showed what an ungrateful brat you are made her feel like you don't love her anymore.

That's the thing, I kind of have divorced my boss.

Mind you, it is the right thing to do, for lots and lots and lots of reasons, and I am super duper excited about the next phase in my life, but I cannot help but sit here and be miserable.  I don't want to be miserable!!!

So...  I think, in the end, that there is just one thing to do.  Practice saying, "I'm sorry, this is just too uncomfortable for me.  I would have liked to give two weeks' notice, but I'm going to go ahead and leave," and have a nice glass of wine on the regular.  Eventually one of two things will have happened.  I will either use what I practiced (trust your training!) or I will have survived two weeks.  Either way, same result.

Either way, new adventure.  Bring it on.

Reminiscer

Three years ago yesterday, my ex-husband moved out of my house.

In the past three years, I also did this:

Run a half marathon

Signed up and began to train for a full marathon

Said goodbye to my favorite cat ever

Fell in love with two new cats

Bought a house and painted that bitch

Figured out that I am so very capable

Of anything

Been on exactly 2 dates

Figured out that I don't much care for dating

Taught a little boy how to ride a bike without training wheels

Read Harry Potters 1-3 to a little boy

Watched a little boy light up a stage

Watched a taller boy get his diploma

Watched a taller boy win a really hard fight

Watched a taller boy say he does to a beautiful girl

Sat in the company of a dozen teenagers who love me

Loved a dozen teenagers

Made music

Made friends

Drank tequila

Watched jeopardy

Ate some really fantastic food

Ate some absolutely god-awful food

Cooked some absolutely god-awful food

Paid my bills on time

Got a raise

Laughed a ton

Said goodbye to a good friend (Love you, Joebie.)

Dyed my hair

Lost 30 pounds

Put ten on again.  Then lost it again.  Then gained five and called it "stasis."

Sang karaoke.  And a gig.  Or three.

Got beaten at Trivial Pursuit.

Lived.

Been a pretty damn good couple-few years.

Gossiper, with my mother. As per usual. Only with more vulgar language.

This weekend, I was sitting at a pool with my mother, my brother, his wife and a friend.  We got to talking, as we do, about people, you know, the gossip.

We got to talking about somebody in particular, who recently got married.  Oddly enough, that same person has become 1,000 times nicer to everybody.  We are shocked, pleased, and feel like talking about such things.

"I always said she just needed some D," said my brother.

"What?"  Said my mother.

"D.  She just needed some D," repeated my brother.

"D?  I don't know what you are saying," said my mother.  "I could understand 'S,' for sex, but "B?  D? I don't understand."

"DICK, MOM," my brother said, pretty loudly.  "I SAID SHE JUST NEEDED SOME DICK."

As the families sitting nearby looked over, I was reminded that I live in Louisiana, now, and they did exactly as they ought.  They smiled or even chuckled a little bit.

Also, I'm glad that person got some D and is now pleasant to be around.

Black Poltergeist Home Owner

My very best bestie in the whole wide world is coming to visit this weekend.  Janetpalooza is imminent, and I am excited, and I am bouncing and starving.  I don't expect you to get that, so here's an asterisk and I will explain later on.  There's something else I need to tell you about right now.  So here:  *

When friends are coming, I generally like things to be neat, so I wanted to sweep and vacuum and what-all, but I've been putting it off because I've been sick and lazy but mostly sick.  So tonight I did do all those things I wanted to do, like clean the bathtubs and the floors and everything.

Anyway, so I got that all done, and then I did the whole ahhhhhhhhhhhTimeToSitOnTheCouch thing, and it was lovely.  Having forgotten that I need to stare intently at CNN and wonder at the fact that I LITERALLY DO NOT KNOW WHERE THINGS ARE IN EASTERN EUROPE AND THE MIDDLE EAST, and oooooh airplane shot down and ooooooooh war???? - wait, where was I?  Oh, yes.  I had momentarily forgotten all of that, so I figured, hey, Jeopardy!

I have lots of episodes.  I watched one last night from May 27.  MAY.  27.  I'm a little bit behind.

Julia is still winning, if that means anything to you.

Okay, so anyway, I sat on the couch, yarn nearby, and I turned on the DVR, and I saw this:

Now.  Let's discuss a few things here.

Thing One:  This was recorded at 9:17 a.m.  I was at work at 9:17 a.m.

Thing Two:  It got the whole episode.  35 minutes.

Thing Three:  BET.  The High Def one.  I did not even think I got that channel.  I've certainly never not once watched that channel.  I obviously don't have time, when I can't even watch my Jeopardy collection.

Thing Four:  Seriously.  38 episodes of Jeopardy.  Also, do you want to judge me for Return to Amish?  Yeah?  Fuck you.  Also, High School Musical is mine, not Caleb's.  I OWN MY CRAZY.

But seriously.  SERIOUSLY.  Moesha!!!

There is no sign of break-in.  I called Sam and asked if he stopped by my house today.  "No," he said, then he muttered "weirdo."  That might not really have happened but kind of it did.  Anyway, I told him what happened, what I found on the DVR, and he agreed that this was, indeed, really fucking weird.

I also texted my dad, the only other person in this town that has access to my house, as my mom is out of town.  He didn't come over, either.

So I called him and told him the deal.

"So no sign of break in?"  Right.  "Could you have accidentally set it up to tape?"  I guess I could have, but I seriously don't think that happened.

Katiebird thinks that my cat did it.  I'm inclined to agree.  Little Hitler likes Brandy.  But even that requires some serious coincidences.  He'd have to have already had it on the right channel.  He'd have to have hit this tiny button the the remote.  It's the smallest button on there.  I'm not sure...

In the end, my dad has decided I either have a black poltergeist or there is a message for me (from God, via Moesha) that I need to experience, so...

I'm going to go watch Moesha.  I'll let you know.



And if another thing records, I'll know it's the real deal.  I've got guests.  They coming fo' me, 'lizabeth!

* Years and years ago, before cell phones, I was going to visit Janie or she was coming to visit me, back when we lived 4 hours apart, and anyway, so she had left me a voice mail at work.  I had a post it in front of me, as one does, where I took a note while I listened to the message:

"Hi!  I'm so excited!  I can't wait to get off work so we can get together.  I'm totally bouncing off the walls!!  Also, I'm STARVING so let's plan to eat..."

I wrote:  "Janet - bouncing & starving"

And a trend was born.

Here we are, a good solid, what, 15?  17???  years later, and I'm here, watching Moesha, and bouncing and starving!