Laughing Hyena, Quite Frankly

1.  It's beginning to get cold here, by which I mean, in the fifties.  Make no mistake, I understand that, where you live, that might be summer weather, but fuck that shit.  I choose to live here.  And I don't have central heat.  Wherein, I must admit that I like to snuggle closer and closer into the fireplace, so that I can possibly set my (tiny, nearly non-existent) ass on fire.  Happy winter!  

2. I don't want to say why, but it's possible that I was trying to text one of my friends, we'll say it was Melissa (because it was) about this made-for-bbc-television version of The Diary of Anne Frank, that I watched, and in said version, Anne was a little pervy, and thus I needed to use the word "masterbation."

Look, I recognize that this is not an oft-texted word, particularly in context.  I have noticed that Siri will change my "fuck" to "duck" or even "guck" if I use it in the same text which talks about knitting.  "Surely no knitter would say, 'fuck,'" Siri must think.  "Surely she means, 'guck.'".  No, goddammit, Siri, I do not mean guck.  I mean, WHO uses the word "guck"?

But anyway.  Siri would NOT let me type masterbation.  Master Nation, she said.  Master Nation Master Nation Master Bastion Master Nation.

I can't tell you why I found this so funny, but I did.  I mean, it's half-nazi-reminiscent, as in "master nation of aryans," I guess, but I really was just trying to describe how weird it was to watch Anne Frank feel herself up.  I mean, is that too much to ask?

3.  You all know how I voted.  And I managed to survive the whole entire political season by ignoring ridiculous facebook messages from my more conservative friends.  People really do have the right to think/believe/vote for whatever they want.  I really am behind that.  On Wednesday, this lady (whose name I'm not even going to try to pixelate, because she obviously doesn't deserve that kind of courtesy from a free-loader like myself) posted this, and I TOTALLY lost my shit about it:

 Bitch.

4.  Mardi Gras is just around the corner, and I found a pattern to make these, so BELIEVE YOU ME, I'm making like 10 pair.  I want everyone I know to be wearing this on Mardi Gras, minus the cancer-awareness ribbons.  Especially the dudes.

5.  My sweet little baby is so literal.  I'm certain that the teacher didn't expect "toylot papre," but I also bet this is one of those things that they keep forever in some file called "funny shit the students wrote."