PROUD.
Here's what's crazy, I can pretty much remember each mile of the race. It went like this:
Mile 1 - why isn't my music playing? It's cold. I can't see the face of my phone and I can't make the music play- oh wait, I was pressing the down button instead of the up button on the volume. Oh look, a mile already? Wowza. I kind of need to pee. Water? Already? Well, why not. Bottom's up. I kind of need to pee.
Mile 2 - I kind of need to pee. Look at those guys peeing in the bushes. I wish I were a guy. I wish I had a ponytail like that girl. She's got to be hot in that jacket. It's not cold at all any more. I kind of need to pee. Oh, he must have had a rock in his shoe, bummer for him. There is a canal here? Who knew?
Mile 3 - I kind of need to pee a lot. None of these bushes look awesome for peeing, but I will if I have to. hummdyhummhumm I need to peeeee hummdyhumm OHHELLYESAPORTAPOTTY. And a water stop. Let's eat a gel and then pee so my hands won't be dirty until after I eat something.
Mile 4 - Game on, muthafuckers, I'm in the zone. Look at me just a-smiling. I like those girls' shirts ("Tramps like us.") and the team with the orange "13.1 - We are only HALF CRAZY" - I wish I were one of them. It's flipping GORGEOUS out here. Look! Space ship parts! (the race was at a space center.)
Mile 5 - I love everythingggggggggggggggggggggggg let's eat a gel smiley smiley smiley.
Mile 6 - STILL LOVE EVERYTHINGGGGGG smiley smiley smiley that girl that I'm passing right now has a big ol' bohonkus. I also think it's weird to be running a half marathon in jean shorts but I lovee youuuuuuuu smiley smiley smiley.
Mile 7 - High fived a stranger. Love everything. Ate a gel. Love love love love smiley YOU ARE ALL MY BROTHERS.
Mile 8 - Two random people. I just caught them after trailing them for two miles. Eek. "Do you have sunscreen?" I asked the girl. "No," she said, smiling ruefully. Bummer for her. I will stick with them for a little while. He says "pretty weather, right?" I go, "yeah!" He goes, "perfect for running!" I nod. This is not the time for a conversation, but I appreciate you being friendly. Sign - "Great job, random runner!" I love them. LOVE EVERYONE.
Mile 9 - Leaving the random people. A race official on a bike brought her some sunscreen. That was nice. See some of the full marathoners, now. Eat a gel. Home stretch now. Hey, I haven't walked yet. I was supposed to start walking by, like, mile 6. Whattha....
Mile 10 - Hmm. Not loving EVERYTHING but I can taste victory. Just realized that I may actually FINISH this race.
Mile 11 - Getting tired. Gel. Also some extra chomps. Because I can. Still running.
Mile 12 - Out of my way, dude who can't run any more. I know you are tired, and I'm about to cry. But move, because I am NOT WALKING.
Mile 13 - Around the last curve, and there are lots of people cheering and ringing noise makers. At the last possible minute, the first marathoner flies past me - I was lapped by 13 miles. Imagine. Doesn't matter. I go around that last curve and the finish is directly ahead of me. "It's right there?" I ask a stranger. "Yes," they say. "You have got this."
I had it. I may or may not have cried a little bit at the end (SHUT UP. YOU WOULD HAVE, TOO.) Think about it like this. I'm a fat, middle aged woman with a 30 year smoking habit just barely behind me, and I just ran a half marathon. Note, I didn't walk/run it. I ran it. I had hoped to finish in 2:50. That would be an average of 13 minute miles, a touch faster than my long training runs were.
Actuals are below. A few things to note: My splits ROCKED. Hello, very, very smart race. Less than a minute's spread across the whole freaking race, not counting my potty break at mile 4. Also? Note that I kick total ass. Average speeds well under my intended. TOTAL ASS.
I am superman. I am the terminator. I am ready for a tiny little 13.1 tattoo.
I kick ultimate, total, amazing, utter, unbelievable, incredible, outstanding, complete ASS.
Who wants to be me? EVERYONE.
Bring on 26.
